Disclaimer : This article is a satire and is expected to be taken sportingly. I felt both funny and sad while writing this, and really wish this remains a satire and never becomes reality. This is not related to any organization and is totally based on my individual understanding which could be incorrect.
Special Report by Ministry of Religion
Date : 1st April, 2215
The PM : Mhmd. Ansari Sheikh
CC: President : Sh. David Thomas
Sub : Current religious political scenario in the wake of recent census Report (Released on 1st March, 2215)
As you know that after the census data was released a month ago (after a gap of 2 decades), we are seeing nationwide massive protests in hindu pockets, primarily against religious conversions & discrimination but there are other points too. Hindu population now stands at 40%, muslim at 40%, christian at 16% and rest 4%. Though protests remain contained and there have been no major incidents of violence, they have not faded out yet.
A recent report from ‘Barkha Dutt Foundation of Ethical Journalism’ states that maximum number and most shameful of protests happened in Narendra Modi & Amit Shah governments between 2014 and 2039. This report is based on statistics pulled out from journalistic records of last 2 centuries. The most shameful were the ink attacks that happened almost every 6 months through out those 25 years. After AIPLP (All India Party of Love & Peace) came into power in 2115, it banned those gruesome ink attacks as a form of protest and allowed some new forms of impactful protesting that do not inconvenience humans. For example, people can now protest by slaughtering a farm animal which is very impactful while not inconveniencing humans. PETA initially objected to it, but a consensus was reached after a human rights group explained to them that these animals are being industrially farmed massively and few more slaughters don’t even add upto a double digit percentage of slaughters for consumption. But hindus have mostly stuck to traditional means of protesting by placards and shouting slogans.
There is a growing concern in the nation as to how a religion (hinduism), which has been intolerably tolerant since 1700 plus years, is becoming a symbol of violent vigilantism. The last case of saffron terror that could not reach conclusion was malegaon blasts case of 2008. The court could not pass the verdict during the lifetimes of accused and hence it was rendered inconclusive n closed in 2050. After that, every single case of hindu terror has seen convictions, about 20 of them till now. After the 20th conviction, the promoters of ‘Romila Thapar Institute of Aryan Invasion & Beef Studies’ approached the HRD ministry for setting it up with the help of government grant. It was finally approved 2 decades ago. This institute is also collaborated with NCERT and their recent addition to modern school history is also being protested by hindus. A small chapter on ‘Fascism in pro-hindu governance’ was added in 8th standard history books which has actually added a point to the nation wide protests by hindus.
Also, recently a statement was made by head of the ‘All India Christians Society’ asking for forgiveness for exceptionally high no of unclaimed child births in christian populated areas. He has promised that every place of worship built n managed by the society shall be accompanied with an orphanage so that these children can be brought up with dignity. This has sparked protests across the nation, again majorly by hindu pockets which appear more or less like moral policing.
Hindus are also protesting on the slow progress of case filed for banning cow slaughter in hindu majority states. This is filed by ‘Dr Swamy Foundation for Justice & Economy’. Dr Swamy had become a torch bearer for anti corruption cases when he filed the ‘National Herald’ case against Sonia Gandhi, though this case too could never reach any conclusion during the lifetimes of complainant and accused, and hence closed. After that, his followers had established this organization, they mainly fight for hindutva causes. They have faced a lot of criticism for quoting from highly saffronized texts, and not from neutral sources. These translations of vedas n upanishads that they r quoting have been written by aryasamajis, sadhus and fringe elements not connected to main stream commercial historians. Even the covers of the books look saffron, painted with sanskrit words in bhagwa color, and the quality of paper n print is much lower than widely available translations in english by reputed westerners. So the credibility of the sources is a question mark.
Hindu women joined the protests mainly after the incident when ‘Malini P. Foundation for Feminism’ issued a statement that muslim women be exempted from all judgements on misogyny and women empowerment, as those judgements cause nearly blasphemous conditions for them. Since their survival gets threatened, their empowerment lies truthfully in a manageable survival.
The only violence that these hindu protests have seen is when a hindu brahmin family’s daughter went and sat with the son of a schedule caste family.That sparked a fight between the 2 families and the police had to intervene. Finally, a line was drawn between the upper caste and lower caste protestors, designating specific area for sitting and standing. Since this news was constantly shown by the mainstream media keeping in mind the secular fabric of the nation, the international media picked it up. India is shamed internationally just because of a tiny mass of protest.
Though the rioting has been maximum in non hindu regions, the state is experiencing more stress in the peaceful hindu protest areas. That is because, riots have been resolving themselves at a quicker pace, few lives lost and life gets back to normal. But these protests are consistent and for long, causing a lot of supervision requirement and media coverage.
In the end, the hindus have defied their DNA and have been showing a lot of intolerance in general. Efforts are on to negotiate with RSS which still has a considerable hold over hindu population. In last 200 years, RSS has been banned twice, but both times the ban was lifted, because of their community service. After all, they save a lot of state money and efforts. RSS has categorically said that this is people’s legitimate fight and they will not stop them. However, RSS has assured us that they will not give shelter to any protesters who might get violent during the protest.
The ministry of religion shall update you next in a month’s time,or as and when required.
Mhmd. Younus Khan
Head – Ministry of Religion.
PS : Its just a satire!