Disclaimer : This article is a satire, Part 2 of the series and expected to be taken sportingly. The link to part 1 is Part 1 of Satire on Religious Political Scenario , it is just 2 blog posts behind on this website. I felt both funny and sad while writing this, and really wish this remains a satire and never becomes reality.
Follow-up Report by Ministry of Religion
Date : 1st May, 2215
The PM : Mhmd. Ansari Sheikh
CC: President : Sh. David Thomas
Sub : Follow up report on the religious political scenario in the wake of recent census Report (Released on 1st March, 2215).
As mentioned in the previous report that India saw nation-wide protests after release of national census data showing hindu population as 40%, this report shall update on the latest developments and Ministry of Religion’s understanding in this regard.
The state of UP saw a riot last month wherein members of both hindu and muslim communities have lost their lives. Total death toll is approximately 100 people, about 60 muslims and 40 hindus got killed in this riot. About 200 people are reported to have been injured, few more muslims than hindus. As per the report from ‘Sardesai 2002 Riots Commission’, the exact reason that triggered riots is still unknown, but looking at the number of muslims been killed, it appears to be triggered by the hindu protesters who were holding the protest against religious conversions on the pavement of the particular street. The report states that in the wake of lack of clear evidence, we were compelled to go by the number of people killed of each community and the general mood & statements of people in that area. It seems that the hindu protesters were blocking the entire pavement and when some muslim rickshaw pullers told them to vacate some space so that they could squat and relax, a fight erupted. The hindu protesters have been alleging that the muslim men could actually sit in their rickshaws and relax, but they deliberately wanted to disturb a serious protest. The area has both hindu and muslim populations, and hence its evident by the number of injured and dead that who got violent more. The residents are saying that both the groups did not relent to each other’s demands. The report also states the example of 2002 gujarat riots which were on the similar lines, only more massive and serious. There also the trigger of the riots was uncertain, as there are evidences that the train caught fire by accident, and there were more number of muslims killed, about 60%. It shall be prudent on part of the government to appoint an SIT to probe it, while the state govt has already arrested the hindu protesters under ‘Riot Prevention Act’.
Though Pan India protests have faded down, few hindu pockets are still protesting, and they continue to add various new issues to their protests. The latest issue to be protested by them is India’s latest statement that it shall consider Scandinavian countries’ suggestion (to the United Nations) for industrial farming of humans. As that side of the globe is facing population crunch, they have come up with this idea of breeding humans and keeping them in totally controlled environment for various purposes. Interestingly, North & South Korea have been very vocal in supporting this idea for unknown reasons. A hindu leader has said that hindus fear that this kind of scientific blasphemy may be used for furthering the jihad and missionary work in countries like India. This issue further heated up when the head of ‘Muslim Religious Board of India’ released a statement in response to this statement issuing a fatwa of beheading on the hindu leader’s head for disrespecting the term ‘blasphemy’. ‘Ghose Institute of Correct Politics’ released a short report on this incident to the media which says that though the issuing of fatwa is regressive, but the usage of this term is indeed a very strong and politically incorrect message, and therefore the responsibility of consequences lies with the hindu leader.
The last major issue of protests apart from religious conversions is the issue of ‘factors responsible for radicalizing muslims’. The ‘Malala International Human Rights Board’ recently released a report on this in United Nations. The reports clearly indicates major factors/ influences from other religions that are responsible for making muslims fanatics. It is approved by United Nations after severe criticism by few nations like Russia, Israel etc. It suggests people to refrain from commenting on islamic texts and prophet on the context that blasphemy is inbuilt in islam, and though blasphemy is only applicable to muslims, such commenting leads them to blasphemous conditions and therefore act as catalyst in radicalizing muslim youth. Hindus are basically protesting that that the primary responsibility of radicalization and terrorism lies with the people who become so. The ‘Christian Society of India’ has also condemned this issue of the protest stating that this is against the secular fabric of our nation, and they have experienced similar ‘intolerance’ regarding the ‘Jesus Wells’ etc and other property they have built painstakingly in India, because of which they had to boycott the hindu masses from using those properties and the responsibility lies majorly on hindus only.
The Ministry of Religion hence awaits government approval on issuing the ‘Guidelines of Secular Conduct’ while retaining general freedom of expression.
Shall update further in the next report.
Mhmd. Younus Khan
Head – Ministry of Religion.